Reality Roulette
by flairina
Summary: After nearly a year's worth of time with the brigade, Haruhi had largely calmed down. Had. Kyon is not terribly happy about this recent change of tense.
1. When They Awake, The World Will Tremble

AN: I can't stay away from this fandom. I'm one of those "still holding out for a season 3" people. So really, something more than just those oneshots was an inevitability. Just a warning, while I'm gonna try and keep this close to how things work in canon, things are going to get less... restrained... than they have been before. Branches off prior to Book 9.

Filed under humor/supernatural because while there are going to be supernatural incidents coming out this story's ears, Kyon's narration is enough to make ANY story in to a partial comedy.

I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya, and I am perfectly alright with that- having to create it would mean I wouldn't have experienced it nearly the same way, and considering how much I love this series, I'd call that a good thing.

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><p>It was a perfectly ordinary day when all hell broke loose.<p>

A rather strong statement, I know. Perhaps I should rephrase- it wasn't a perfectly ordinary day, I only thought it was. Then again, considering everything that's happened thus far in my sojourn through high school, I suppose it may as well have "ordinary". There's not much that surprises me anymore- I've seen blue giants demolishing buildings, time traveled (multiple times), made sure "God" didn't lose faith in herself, watched two aliens manipulate reality around them to fight each other- you get the idea. I may not have asked for it, but I've been dragged through more weird, paranormal events than I suspect most anyone else on the planet has. The strange is my ordinary these days, and I've done pretty well at taking it all in stride, if I do say so myself. So an event on a scale that even I would consider "all hell breaking loose" would have to be earthshakingly huge, right?

Yes. It was. Or at least, it would be.

It also started quite literally.

I was making my way to the clubroom that it seems I'm simply doomed to spend the next two years of my life in when the earthquake struck. It was a real stroke of bad luck that it happened while I was in the hallway, as there was a regrettable lack of heavy objects I could hide beneath to protect myself.

Now, I usually consider myself to be a fairly sensible person, so understand I had very little time to make a decision when I came to the rather badly thought out conclusion that the next wisest course of action would be to curl into a ball and make myself as small a target as possible. I really should have scrambled for a doorway, there were plenty around. Or perhaps not, since I've heard that may only apply to older style buildings? Maybe I did have the right idea.

Thankfully, the quake passes quickly, and the school seems to have remained intact.

My first thought upon standing back up is of course to wonder what Haruhi did THIS time. The second is that usually when these things happen, they aren't nearly so obvious. So, was it really just a random earthquake then?

Only one way to find out...

I pace the rest of the way to the clubroom slowly and deliberately, already dreading what may await me there. As usual, I knock at the door to avoid walking in on something I shouldn't, and am greeted with a timid sounding "Come in!". Seems at least Asahina-san is already here.

Entering, I notice that both Koizumi and Haruhi aren't here yet. The clubroom seems fine, I don't see anything broken. Nagato looks unaffected, and is in her normal position, reading, while Asahina-san is already dressed and making tea, albeit looking a bit shaken. Odd for our resident esper to not be here on time, usually he does everything in his power to avoid upsetting Haruhi. Where could he be?

"Hello Nagato, Asahina-san. Are you both alri-"

Before I can so much as greet the two occupants of the room, the door I'd just closed behind me rockets open and slams in to me from behind, causing me to very nearly drive my face directly into the wall. Asahina-san lets out a small gasp as Haruhi comes rushing in, dragging Koizumi behind her and not looking like she cares in the slightest that she just very nearly broke my nose.

"ATTENTION BRIGADE!" she yells, either not noticing or just plain ignoring me as I stumble over to a seat, rubbing my head. I'd protest such treatment, but I've grown used to the lack of sympathy by now. Although, usually she at least gives an offhand apology anymore, but apparently she's too excited for even that today.

"I am sure all of you felt the earthquake that occurred mere moments ago?" Haruhi continues. Well, yes, it would be hard not to feel that.

"Well, this presents us with a perfect opportunity! While I was planning on holding a brainstorming session on what we could do better in our searches, there is a very real possibility that this evening's trembling of the planet was caused by something supernatural!"

Or, it could just be a quake. This is Japan, after all. Earthquakes aren't uncommon here, Haruhi.

The brigade leader shoots me a dirty look. "OR, it could be mole people! Or demons! Or a god waking up from its slumber deep beneath the Earth! Must you really be so boring Kyon?!"

Well, someone has to temper your enthusiasm. Also, the only "god" I know of, if you can call her that, isn't sleeping. In fact, she happens to be so constantly full of energy that I have a hard time imagining she ever sleeps at all.

The finger of the entity in question whips around to point at the rough center of the three of us, not counting Koizumi who is still behind her. "So, today we're going to be thinking about what we need to do better while searching, as we search for the cause of this mysterious earthquake! It'll serve a double purpose!"

I think its usually said as 'dual' purpose...

As usual, I'm brushed off completely. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, who cares how it's said? Mikuru, get changed! Kyon, you-"

"Wait," I interrupt, "can't we first just think about-"

That's as much as I get out before I'm physically ushered out of the room so that Haruhi can strip and redress the far too cute time traveler. Oh Asahina-san, forgive me, for as much as I might want to I cannot save you...

Grumbling under my breath, I rest my back against the wall. Koizumi, who smartly walked out of the room before he too was forcibly ejected from the premises, grins his usual plasticine smile. "Well, she certainly is excitable today, isn't she?"

88888888

Twenty minutes later, we're out on the streets looking for who knows what, with our intrepid brigade leader leading us who knows where, and I still haven't objected to this plan because who knows why. I can't help but feel like a lemming, stuck following its pack along in to new territory whether it wants to or not, and completely unable to stop us when we come to the inevitable cliff.

Haruhi has broken out the shrine maiden outfit again, in the event that it actually is "demons" emerging from the underworld, so we're getting some rather odd looks as we walk along. Poor Asahina-san. She never really does get a break, does she?

Abruptly, the typhoon manifest as a senior high girl halts and turns to speak, apparently having decided she'll finally tell us what we're supposed to currently be doing. "Alright subordinates, listen up! We will not be splitting up today!" Well, there go my plans to head somewhere to relax if I wasn't paired with her or Koizumi...

"The fact that we haven't found anything interesting yet clearly proves you all need my tutelage! We can't have subpar search methods holding us back!"

The passerby are all staring at us now. Only you would choose to do this in public, Haruhi. Also, I notice you seem to have forgotten you yourself haven't found anything, even with these so-called superior methods. Though, technically, I suppose you have found what you're looking for, you just aren't allowed to know...

"Kyon, stop spacing out! Penalty! You're paying for snacks!" Oh come on...

For once, I decide to speak out against this recurring injustice. "Haruhi, haven't you drained my wallet enough yet?"

The brunette whirlwind remains unimpressed. "As the lowest ranked member of the brigade, it would be your job to support the needs of your superiors even if you weren't constantly incurring penalties! Be glad I'm so merciful!" Yes, I feel ever so lucky.

Shortly after this, we get dragged to a random cafe to once again lighten my pockets, an activity which I've grown very tired of. Then the four of us are dragged to various areas of the city in quick succession, with "search" activities comprised of Haruhi turning over random rocks, Haruhi commanding us (or rather, me) to inspect specific portions of the ground, and Haruhi questioning people off the sidewalk on the earthquake and what they, specifically, might have had to do with it.

I'll give her this- Suzumiya Haruhi has no shame whatsoever. There's not even the slightest of flinching as she looks a greasy looking shop owner in the eye and asks if he's seen any mole people or dwarves running around. It's like the concept of embarrassment is utterly foreign to this girl. She really, truly does not care what others think of her. I'd say I envy her for that quality, but then _I_ might be the one running around attempting to shake down totally innocent strangers for information on something they most likely know nothing about. So I think I'll instead be thankful I DO have some sense of what is and isn't appropriate behavior.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to get away from Haruhi for long enough to ask Nagato if I really should be worried about us stumbling across something strange. She hasn't made any effort to pull me aside though, and her expression seems to be about the same as it usually is- typically I can detect a very slight difference if something is wrong, so I'm hoping I can assume we don't need to worry about anything.

For about a quarter of the time that we're trailing in Haruhi's wake as if dragged along by leashes, she busies herself by "teaching" us the best way to search for the supernatural, which are almost all ideas that I will most assuredly never be using. I can't help but notice that she seems much harsher than she'd been during our last citywide search. It's like we're back to how this club worked at the beginning of the school year. Is this earthquake really such a big deal to her?

I don't have time to ponder this for long, because Haruhi seems particularly focused on whether or not _I'm_ paying attention to her lessons. No Haruhi, I'm not going to grab a guy's shirt by the neck just to make sure he knows I'm not joking. Does it really matter WHICH miniscule crack in the ground I'm looking at? Hey, now you're not even pretending to search, this is a clothing store! No I don't think there could possibly be brownies or faeries messing with the clothes in the back, I thought we were searching for what caused the quake?!

Our seemingly pointless quest continues in around this fashion until around six, at which point Haruhi FINALLY gives up for the night, stating she'll continue the search without us tomorrow. According to her we aren't that helpful, which, honestly, is just fine with me. I'm about ready to collapse by the time I get home.

88888888

It's nearing nine o' clock when my cell phone rings. I rise from my spot on the sofa to glance at the caller ID and groan. Of course it's her. Who else calls at this time of night?

Taking care to hold the phone away from my ear in the event that Haruhi decides to try to blow out my eardrum like she seems to have made a goal out of whenever she calls, I open the device. "Hello?"

"KYON!" Yep, it was smart to hold this away from my head. "Did you see the news?! Turn it on turn it on turn it on!"

Okay, fine, sheesh. You couldn't say that at a normal volume?

I quickly send a prayer to whomever might be listening, asking for whatever Haruhi was so excited about to please not be related to the earthquake, before I switch on the TV and flip to the nearest news channel.

"-evening's earthquake seems to have opened a large sinkhole in the area. Local residents are asked to stay away from..." Hey, isn't that Kitaguchi Station? That's the same park we usually meet up at for our weekly "searches", though we didn't go there today on account of starting from the school. We're all very familiar with the area by now, though given what I've personally been through there, its image brings up rather different memories than it likely does for Haruhi...

A burst of noise from the phone brings my attention back to it. "Kyon, that's our meeting spot! It can't be just a coincidence that the only major damage from that quake happened right where we start our weekend searches! I can't believe something happened there the one day we conducted a search but didn't start from there! Something strange is going on in that park, I just know it! And you're coming to help me investigate it!"

It can so be a coincidence, and it's the middle of the night! We spent the entire afternoon searching with you! You can't really expect me to drop everything and run out to a park at this hour just so you can look at a giant hole in the ground! Besides, didn't they just announce the area to be off limits?

"You can't let rules keep you from exploring the unknown! Besides, if we go any later, it'll have even more security around it! We need to go now, before anyone messes with the evidence!" It's not a crime sce- "Meet me there in fifteen minutes! There will be a MAJOR penalty if you're not there, got it?!"

Without even waiting for my response, the line goes dead. Great. I've been drafted.

Before I can mull too much over whether or not I should just accept the "penalty", the phone rings again. I open it without bothering to look at the ID, assuming it's Haruhi calling back to tell me I should be bringing spirit wards with me, or something of the sort that I likely don't own.

"Kyon."

Instead of the person I was expecting, it's... Nagato. Nagato calling means... well, I'm probably going to end up going to the park tonight no matter what my original choice would have been. I brace myself for bad news. "Hello, Nagato. May I ask why you're calling?" As if I didn't already know.

"Approximately ten minutes ago, a series of data anomalies emerged from the Earth's crust." Yep. Major problem. Called it.

"Yeah, I figured it was something like that. Would they area they emerged from, by any chance, be Kitaguchi Station?"

"Yes."

Called that one too. I resist the urge to palm my face.

"So, I assume you already know Haruhi just called and told me to head up there with her so she can investigate the area? Just to be devil's advocate, let me make another guess- the 'anomalies' are still in the park, and you want me to help since Haruhi can't be allowed to see them?"

"Yes."

Man, I am just on fire tonight. Perhaps I'm becoming an esper too- or, I've just gotten so used to this sort of situation by now that I already know roughly how the script is going to read. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better to just tell Haruhi everything and hope it works out for the best.

"The Integrated Data Thought Entity has determined that for Suzumiya Haruhi to become aware of her abilities at this juncture would be inadvisable."

What, are you reading my thoughts, Nagato? Or do you really just know me that well?

It doesn't really matter, I suppose. "Alright then. Any suggestions on how to get rid of whatever it is for good? If she doesn't find anything tonight, there's no guarantee Haruhi won't go back tomorrow. Not to mention whatever these anomalies are might leave the park. I mean, if they _can_ leave the park." For all I know there could be some sort of rule imposed upon them by Haruhi's subconscious to make them stick around just so she can find them.

"I will be accompanying you."

Oh. Well, that makes things easier then. If there's one person in the SOS Brigade I know I can rely on, it's definitely Nagato.

"Okay then. Do you need me to... come pick you up, or something?" I doubt it, but it's only polite to ask, right?

"No. I will meet you there. Follow me once you arrive. Do not tell her I am coming."

The line goes dead.

Well, at least now I know there's potential danger going in, which is better than going in blind. And yours truly gets to deal with trying to keep it secret from the one person rushing in headfirst to meet it, once again...

I don't get this. Didn't Koizumi say Haruhi had been winding down as of late? That we wouldn't have to worry so much? This doesn't seem much like a calmer, saner Haruhi to me. In fact, come to think of it, she hasn't dragged us out to search with that kind of seriousness in a while- that is, she hadn't, up until today. She _had_ been getting better, what changed? Let's go back to how it was a few days ago please.

88888888

I tell my parents that I forgot to return a borrowed textbook a friend needs by tomorrow, and that I'm going to bike over and return it. Not sure how well that excuse went over with them, it may depend on just how long I end up being out.

It takes about twenty minutes total for me to grab a flashlight and bike my way to the park. Not to say this is enough for Haruhi, who is already there in what looks like her "adventure" clothes by the time I arrive. "Late!"

Let me guess, penalty.

"Hmm..." She puts a hand to her chin as if in deep thought. "No, I was only going to give you one if you didn't show up. You did do your duty as a brigade member earlier today, and I'll admit it's kinda late, so consider this your one time pass." Huh. Guess I'm not secretly an esper after all.

Luckily, it seems my flashlight isn't entirely necessary, as the park still has working streetlights, making it easy to spot the shocking lack of security around the five meter wide hole in the ground. I can't tell how deep it is, but all the authorities seem to have done is stick some caution tape around it. Seems they aren't taking this nearly as seriously as Haruhi is. That, or her desires somehow made them more lax than usual in their precautions so she would have an easy time investigating it.

"Alright!" she exclaims. That manic gleam in her eyes, visible only when she gets extremely excited or has thought up another insane idea, is back. "Kyon, loan me your flashlight, I'm gonna go investigate the bottom of the sinkhole." You didn't bring a flashlight of your own? What kind of poor planning is that?

A glimpse of grayish purple catches my eye from behind a shadowed tree, out of Haruhi's line of vision. No prizes for figuring out who that is. Now I just need to split up with the resident reality warper somehow... ah.

"Alright Haruhi, here." I hand her my flashlight. "Be careful. I'm gonna go check the surrounding area in case whatever might have come out of that pit is running around in the park."

Haruhi looks pleased. "Good show of initiative for once Kyon! Scream if you get in trouble, hopefully I'll get there in time to stop whatever supernatural creature might be attacking you!"

Before I die, or before the attacker gets too tired to talk with you from mauling me?

"Both, of course! Now get going!"

With that, she makes her way over to the hole, slides underneath the caution tape, and starts to use the flashlight to peer in. Time for me to get lost.

I immediately hurry over to the area where I'm sure I saw Nagato, but she seems to have disappeared. I'm not sure if I should call out or not since Haruhi isn't supposed to know she's here, but I decide to risk a whisper.

"_Nagato... Nagato, are you here?"_

A finger taps me from behind, and I whirl around to find the alien I've come to rely on so much since joining this brigade. Looks like she found me.

Nagato puts a finger to her lips and motions for me to follow- I'm glad she knows where she's going, I don't know how long Haruhi is going to spend searching the bottom of that pit before she gets bored and comes looking for me. As I follow the knowledgeable girl deeper into the wooded area, a question occurs to me.

"_Nagato... quick question, but why exactly do you need me here?" _ Suddenly I'm wondering why my presence is even necessary. She can just get rid of these things on her own, can't she? It isn't like I can really help in that regard.

She turns to face me, looking slightly... nervous? Less light is reaching us here, but I'm pretty sure that's what I'm seeing. Not an expression I'd ever seen on her before, no matter how slight- that probably isn't a good sign.

"I do not need you to come with me. I have only brought us here so we may talk at a normal volume." Okay, that makes sense so far.

Nagato keeps going without my prompting for once. "Currently, Suzumiya Haruhi is examining the anomalies' collective point of emergence. This is acceptable, as they have vacated the area prior to her arrival."

Oh good, because if I let her go investigate that hole and there was still something in it, this whole plan would already have gone up in flames.

"Where are they now then?" I ask.

"The vast majority are currently are positioned approximately 335 meters from here. They are of little threat to me, but analysis has gathered that they have the ability to effortlessly break down data jurisdiction."

Er... while I'm glad they're not a threat to you, you're gonna have to explain that bit about the data jurisdiction thing. I thought that was the created space Ryoko used to keep me from escaping and control the area when she tried to murder me- the first time, that is.

Nagato nods. "Correct. Thus I will be unable to contain or confine the anomalies once I initiate contact with them."

Oh. "Well, that's not an issue as long as they don't move towards Haruhi, right?"

"They are moving towards us as we speak. It appears they are attracted to her presence."

Crap. Quick then, what do you need me to do?

Nagato points back the way we came. "Please return to their point of emergence- I will try to eliminate the anomalies before they arrive, but they are numerous. If I fail to fully terminate them before they reach you, I will need you to prevent any observation by Suzumiya Haruhi from taking place."

So the reason I'm here is to distract Haruhi. At least I'm not fighting the things- not that I expected to be. Good luck, Nagato.

Once I'm finished talking, she vanishes. It seems either super speed or practical teleportation is included in the abilities you get if you're an alien humanoid interface working for an immense living mass of sentient data, if I understand it correctly.

I make my way back to the path marked by the crater Haruhi is so intent on inspecting, and see... nothing. Great, did she get bored of it already and run off to inspect somewhere else? That would throw a major wrench into this plan not even a minute after it started.

Then I hear sounds coming from inside the sinkhole, and realize she must have dropped inside to get a closer look. I guess that thing must not be too deep, or she wouldn't be able to get out. I decide to leave her alone for now, and instead just stand at the treeline to make sure nothing unexpected shows up.

It's eerily quiet, aside from the sounds of what I can only assume is Haruhi trying to dig deeper in to the gaping pit without any tools. Considering that I know Nagato is fighting _something_ right now just a little ways off, the lack of sound is a bit unnerving. I suppose it'll keep Haruhi from popping her head out of there due to suspicious noises though, so I shouldn't complain.

A few minutes pass before I spy something at the corner of my vision. I crouch down before I look down the path... and have to force myself to bite back a scream.

When Nagato told me these things could break down any data barriers she could put up, for some reason this put the image in my head that the "anomalies" were either miniscule, microbe like things that could just slip past any walls, or invisible data entities like whatever it was that was making those dogs sick. Apparently I should not have assumed such.

Instead, what I'm looking at is what appears to be an elephant sized, far scarier version of a bedsheet ghost, which would be almost funny, except it's minus a few cut out holes and plus a few immense purplish-red tentacles coming out its bottom half. Coming trailing after it are several quadrapedal, far smaller things with reddish, rock like skin and lobster like claws, all circling around the tentaghost as it seems to glide into the area. Thankfully, they're quiet enough not to alert Haruhi, and I don't think they've spotted me yet, but then again I can't figure out where the facial features of any of them are.

Evidently Haruhi had been hoping for demons to emerge from the Earth more than she'd been hoping for mole people, a god, or whatever else she'd thought might have come up that she hadn't spoken about. But _why_ would she want this?! I thought her purpose in finding all these paranormal entities was to hang out and have fun with them, not so they could terrify anyone who dares come close! Shouldn't her subconscious have understood that?! You couldn't possibly hang around these things, you'd have the military after you in hours, assuming the likely-hellish creatures themselves didn't try to _eat_ you first!

"Errrrgh, there's nothing down here!" Haruhi's voice echoes out of the ground. No, Haruhi, keep searching for just a little longer! You've already spent a good 10 minutes down there, far longer than anyone _else_ would investigate the bottom of a hole, and you pick _now_ to get tired of it?! Nagato, please hurry!

The things continue to move towards the hole, and there's no helpful alien in sight. Haruhi's voice reaches my ears again. "Oh, forget this! Maybe Kyon found something..." There's sounds of movement that seem to indicate she's going to start climbing the side out. No choice now, I've gotta stall her.

I sprint out of my hiding spot and rush past the demons to the hole, just as I spot Nagato practically flying towards them. Thank goodness, now if I can just keep Haruhi from leaving the hole for another minute-!

Without even thinking about it, I jump over the rim and fall a distance about three times my height before landing on surprisingly soft ground. Not to say the landing is pleasant, because I very nearly land on Haruhi, who yelps as I crash down in front of her. And here I thought nothing could startle our unflappable brigade leader. Turns out all you need is a flying Kyon.

Naturally, and perhaps for once justifiably, surprise soon turns to anger, which turns to yelling. "Kyon! Just what do you think you're doing! You could have landed on me!"

This hole's walls are slanted at about 75 degrees, but it's still too deep to see much of anything that isn't either straight above us, or that the flashlight Haruhi took from me isn't illuminating. Nagato is evidently at least able to keep sound of battle from reaching us, if the last few minutes were any indication, so it seems like as long as we stay down here and the demons don't make it to the mouth of this pit, Haruhi shouldn't notice anything. "Yeah, sorry about that. Just thought I'd drop in."

Wow. That was both cliche AND terrible. Haruhi seems to think the same from what I can see of her face. I get a feeling there's another death penalty in my near future unless I distract her, and quickly. "Anyways, I couldn't find anything, so I thought I'd come join you."

Haruhi's expression turns from anger to annoyance. "Well, you're too late," she fumes. "I already searched everything down here, and there's nothing special about this hole." Hmm. I wonder how the demons came out of this thing if there's no tunnel to anywhere deeper. Did Haruhi's powers just make them sort of... appear, right where we're standing? No wonder they got out.

"Anyways, I'm getting out of here." Haruhi continues over my musing. "I bet you didn't search the rest of the park area very well if you're already back, so we're going over that together! Come on, help me climb out!" She tosses the flashlight to me and begins to climb up the surprisingly numerous handholds faster than I can even respond.

"Wait!" I cry out, a little more panicked sounding than I really would like. To my horror, when I glance upwards, I can see a large, purplish-red tentacle beginning to reach over the rim of the crater. I tear my eyes away from it before Haruhi wonders what I'm looking at. Thankfully it seems she was looking for more handholds when I looked up, but now she's looking at me oddly from the corner of her eye.

"What? Why do you sound so scared? It's just a park, Kyon."

The silence allows me to hear a small mumble follow that statement. "_It's not like you believe there's anything here anyways..._"

I don't think I was supposed to be able to hear that, but it would have been hard not to given how quiet everything is. I'll just have to ignore it for now though. "Er... are you sure you searched the _entire_ bottom of this place?" I ask. "It's a pretty big hole." I turn, shining the flashlight over the debris ridden floor.

"Yes I'm sure! I turned over every rock and broken piece of path in here, and I couldn't find a single crack big enough for a paranormal being to fit through!" Wow, all this debris? You work fast. "I'm done with this pit! Now shine the light back over here, I can't see!" Well good, that's the goal.

I risk another glance up, and breathe a sigh of relief. The tentacle is gone. "Fine." I shine the light back to the area directly above her. "Could you help me up once you're out?"

If she could turn her head the whole way around from where she is on the wall I'm sure I'd be getting some sort of death glare. Instead, she settles for telling me off. "Idiot, you jumped down here not knowing if you could get out or not? You really can't plan at all, can you Kyon?" I won't bother responding to that.

Luckily, Haruhi is wearing pants for once, so I don't need to worry about her getting angry at me for looking up to see where I need to shine the light. As she reaches the lip of the hole and clamors out, I start to make my way up as well, though it's hard trying to use the flashlight in my hand at the same time.

"What the-?" I hear Haruhi exclaim from above me.

It suddenly occurs to me that the tentacle being gone didn't necessarily mean the demon it was attached too was gone as well. The three seconds it takes for Haruhi to say something else seem to drag on forever.

"Yuki? What are you doing here?"

Phew...

I somehow manage to make it out of the pit, even with the flashlight handicapping me (thanks for the assistance, Haruhi). Crawling under the caution tape and looking up greets me with the sight of the self proclaimed brigade chief, a confused look on her face, staring at Nagato, who for all the world looks like she was just out taking a midnight stroll. There's nothing else around. Crisis over, it seems.

Haruhi's question still stands, and at first it doesn't seem like Nagato isn't going to respond at all, but after a few moments she opens her mouth. "...Walking."

Haruhi presses on. "Isn't it a little late for that?" Isn't it a little late to be searching the bottom of an earthquake-made hole in a public park? "Besides, this area is supposed to be dangerous!"

Nagato seems to stare right through Haruhi to lock eyes with me. What? Do I have dirt on my face? "...I was unaware."

"I guess you didn't see the news, huh? Come on, I'll take you home." Wait, why would Nagato need you to take her home if she got here herself? And um, ahem?

I clear my throat and Haruhi turns around to face me. Forgot I was here, did you? "Does that mean we're done here then? You were ready to search the rest of the park all of a minute ago."

She doesn't look happy, but the girl who would warp reality nods nonetheless. "Yeah, we're done. I mean, if there wasn't anything in the hole itself then I doubt there's anything in the rest of the park, or if there was it probably ran away by now..."

Her expression turns rather melancholic, the same way it used to nearly always be when we first met. Her eyes turn downcast, the corners of her mouth drooping in disappointment.

Great. This is the last thing we need right now... and yet I can't help but feel bad for her. She got her hopes up for what, in her eyes, turned out to be nothing.

I have to say something...

"Hey, cheer up. Maybe we'll find something next time, right?"

I get a vague nod in response. "Maybe..."

I don't think there's all that much I can do here. Hopefully she'll be over it by tomorrow. I do have some questions for Nagato though, so... "Listen, Haruhi, Nagato's apartment isn't far away, but it's not exactly close either, and you don't have a bike. Why don't I escort her home if you're so worried?"

The glare she gives me doesn't seem to have any real heart in it. "Because you...!"

...Because I what?

When she fails to continue, I turn to Nagato. "Is that idea alright with you?"

There's a brief pause, followed by a stiff nod.

Haruhi crosses her arms and looks down. "...Fine. It does make more sense that way..." All of a sudden a finger is shoved in my face. "Don't you dare try anything funny with her, got it?"

Trust me, I wouldn't dream of it. Besides, I don't think there's anything in the nearby universe besides the IDTE itself that could possibly threaten or force Nagato to do anything she didn't want to do- except perhaps you.

Haruhi begins to walk off, and Nagato remains, silent and staring. Guess I better go grab my bike.

88888888

The way back to Nagato's apartment is a quiet affair. Nagato is riding on the back of my bike, much like she did during our endlessly looping summer vacation. She hasn't said a word since we left the park. If I want to know anything about what just happened, I think I'm going to have to initiate the conversation.

"Hey Nagato, why is it those things were able to break down your data jurisdiction?" Hey, I remembered the name this time!

A moment passes before she responds. "Unclear. There seems to be no logical reason that such anomalies had the ability to interfere with an enclosed data space, especially as they were not data based life forms themselves, nor did they possess control over any other aspect of data manipulation."

So, in other words, just Haruhi unconsciously making things harder for us for no reason. Got it.

"No. That scenario is highly unlikely. That which is caused by Suzumiya Haruhi must have purpose to manifest at all."

That confuses me. So... there is a reason, we just don't know it?

"Correct. It has been determined that the most likely explanation is that her will to find the anomalies was strong enough that they gained such abilities upon creation, specifically to ensure they could make their way to their creator. It is also possible that this is why they were immediately attracted to her presence upon her occupation of their emergence point."

I... don't know how to feel about that. Nagato's being far more talkative tonight than usual, and unfortunately not about anything good. I'm feeling disbelief more than I am panic honestly. Haruhi doesn't even know Nagato is an alien, let alone that she has any "data" powers. She doesn't even know about the conspiracy to keep her locked out of the loop, and her own abilities are trying to compensate anyways? How is that even possible?

I can practically feel Nagato's stare on the back of my neck. "I do not know."

Quiet falls. It occurs to me that Koizumi probably needs to be here when we pick this discussion back up, considering it concerns him as well.

Neither of us speaks for several minutes, which quickly begins to eat at me. Nagato is naturally quiet, but taking her home in this sort of mutual soundlessness feels awkward. Another question has been tickling my brain since we left the park anyways, so I suppose I may as well ask. "So, Nagato, you said earlier that the demons... I assume those were demons... were 'numerous'. Just how many of them did Haruhi create anyways?"

Silence. For a moment I think I may have said something wrong, until Nagato finally speaks. "The amount of code utilized to generate spontaneous non-data based life was... quite high."

She pauses. For some reason, I get the feeling that if this wasn't Nagato I was talking too, she would be biting her lip.

"One thousand nine hundred thirty six 'demonic' entities were created and subsequently deleted between the hours of 7:51 and 9:43 PM."

I almost choke. Is she telling me there were almost two THOUSAND demons running around in that park? There's no way Nagato would lie, but... I'm amazed that we didn't run in to any of them on the way in now. Even for Nagato, that must have been quite the task- I'm actually surprised what I saw is all that managed to get through.

"Well, um, thanks then, Nagato."

Somehow I don't feel that was adequate, but just how does one express proper gratitude for preventing a demon horde, no matter how unseen, from ever reaching you?

Nagato's voice brings me out of my thoughts about what else I could possibly say to her. "...I would like to apologize."

Wait, what? What for?

"I failed. Several of the anomalies broke through to the area you and Suzumiya Haruhi were currently occupying. Had you not been able to delay her egress from the emergence point, there is an 86.14266% probability that she would have perceived them before I could deconstruct their data."

Does she seriously think what she did wasn't enough? "Really Nagato, it's okay. Distracting Haruhi was my only job anyways, right? It all worked out in the end, so there's no need to apologize."

I briefly pull the bike over so I can look at her while we're talking. This seems a little too important to discuss while I'm trying to concentrate on where I'm going. To my surprise, Nagato actually appears a tiny bit upset. Her head is inclined a fraction of an inch, and her eyes are slightly downcast- compared to her usual state of being, it's practically palpable regret.

"Nevertheless, I am sorry."

Well, warranted or not, it's nice to see Nagato display some small amount of emotion on the rare occasions that side of her emerges. Being in the SOS brigade has done more good for her than it has any of the rest of us. I might as well just accept the apology.

"Alright Nagato. You are... fully forgiven. Let's get you back home."

I start to pedal again, and we ride the rest of the way to her apartment in silence.

88888888

By the time I get Nagato back to her apartment and bike my way back home, it's nearing 10:30. The house is dark- my parents probably got tired of waiting at the door a good while ago and went to sleep when they realized I left my cell phone here. I'm sure I'll be in trouble tomorrow, but I just can't bring myself to care right now. I shrug my clothes off and stumble to my room, falling asleep the moment I hit the mattress.

Tomorrow better not be this stressful.

* * *

><p>AN: Better not place your bets on that Kyon...<p>

AN2: Okay, I am just, the wishy-washiest person ever.

If you're confused by that statement, you weren't here before. To put it bluntly, this story has had three, yes, THREE different versions of Chapter 2, none of which were even remotely similar. And I put each of those versions out at different points in time, decided at some point later that I hated them, and subsequently deleted them. It was a lot of work and I was constantly fretting over having something I wasn't satisfied with out.

So, I've finally decided that this story is on hold, probably until I've got maybe three chapters worth of material done. That way I'll at least be set to a course and won't be flip-flopping back and forth to delete the second chapter over and over and over again. Hopefully, by that point I'll be happy with what I'm doing and have out for public viewing.

Sorry about this... ^^;


	2. Those Passed Shall Rise Again, Part 1

Quick AN: Okay, I finally settled on an order of events- and what do you know, it's the **exact same as the original order**. I am horrible at decision making, I know. So, some of you (the few of you still here from two years back, that is) may be familiar with this chapter, as it's basically a reupload. I DO have a plan this time, though. So at the very least, we should get through the first three "arcs"/first five chapters with minimal fuss. If not minimal waiting.

I don't own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya- yet. If Haruhi can change physical laws, changing something as comparatively trivial as a few legal ones shouldn't be too hard. The plan goes into action soon... _quite_ soon...

* * *

><p>The next day, after being chewed out in the morning by my parents for making them worry, as well as getting questioned on what I was doing AFTER I returned the supposed textbook, I was certain I'd be back to what's currently masquerading as normality. That is, after school I'd be helping conduct whatever activity happened to pop into the head of our "esteemed brigade leader" alongside the local alien, time traveler, and esper. Events on the scale of yesterday's tend not to accumulate two days in a row.<p>

Of course, it's the exception that proves the rule, or so they say, which I've always found stupid. No, the exception disproves the rule, because if something doesn't line up with it, it's not a rule. And now I'm getting off track.

I can admit, Haruhi has some very admirable traits. She has near-unshakeable confidence in herself, she doesn't really care about what others think of her, and she oozes such enthusiasm for her goals that it's practically infectious. Even I, the mighty pillar of apathy, might have caught the Haruhi bug a couple of times- or I would have, if I didn't know most everything she's looking for has been within arm's reach on a near daily basis for the past year or so.

Even all of those traits are nothing when compared to her thoroughly _terrifying_ will- the desire to get what she wants and the courage (or rather, lack of restraint) necessary to turn those desires in to actions. Once she has something in mind, trying to stop her is like trying to stop a bullet train powered by a warp drive. How else could I have been dragged into all of this?

That said, where Haruhi's good qualities shine, her bad qualities suck in their light like supermassive black holes, sometimes overshadowing them so much that you're eventually faced with nothing but giant, ever swallowing pits of darkness that are slowly dragging _you_ in as well.

This is how I felt as she lectured me on everything I supposedly did wrong last night. In the little time we had before class started, no less.

It's actually kind of odd, because I would think I'd have gotten this speech right after we finished at the park if I was going to get it at all. It's good that she's apparently gotten over that brief melancholic episode, but why are we back to this?

"...Kyon! Are you even listening to me?!"

In all honesty, no, I tell her.

Somehow that admission actually stops her tirade in its tracks. Her mouth opens and closes as if trying to say multiple things at once, before settling on a grimace as Okabe-sensei walks in. She stays silent through the rest of the class, probably glaring in my direction a couple of times. I wouldn't know, since I don't bother looking back when she's in this kind of mood.

When lunch comes around, she rushes out of the room as per usual, and Taniguchi comes over to interrogate me on the status of my "relationship" with Haruhi just like always. Kunikida follows behind, equally ritualistically.

"Yo Kyon, what'd you do to get her so angry at you now? Lover's spat?"

I wonder, if I just ignore him, will he eventually give up? Just how many times do I have to refute his accusations of dating her before he actually gets it through his head that we're not?

"Come on Kyon, I'm curious too." Kunikida, don't encourage him...

I sigh, resigning to the fact that I'm going to be stuck in yet another one of these conversations for the remainder of lunch. "In case you've forgotten, Haruhi still holds the view that romantic feelings indicate mental illness. Why is it you continue to insist we're dating?"

"Aww, come on Kyon, the whole school knows Suzumiya's spent way more time with you than she has with any other guy _ever_. Give it up, you're not foolin' us."

The gray haired annoyance that I for some reason still consider a friend sidles up uncomfortably close to me to stage whisper in my ear. "So, how far have you two gone? 'Cause you know, I've got some experience in-"

Annnnd that's all I needed to hear. He obviously won't be getting it any time soon, so there's no point in continuing to talk. I tune out the rest of the proceeding monologue about his supposed expertise (resisting the urge to palm my forehead all the while), and choose instead to focus on eating my lunch. As troublesome as being part of the SOS Brigade can be sometimes, I think I'd rather be there than here at the moment.

88888888

Seemingly in response to my off hand thought, the school day flies by, and before I know it I'm entering the literature club room once again. Haruhi zipped off a few moments before I did, so I find it strange when Koizumi and Nagato are the only ones to greet me when I arrive.

In answer to my unasked question, the always picture-perfect esper speaks up. "If you were wondering, Suzumiya-san left with Asahina-san just a few moments ago. I believe she said something about needing to teach her something 'top secret', though what that might be I couldn't guess." he says, grabbing a board game and moving it to the table. "Care to play a game while we wait?"

As much fun as it would be to beat Koizumi at games that I'm almost certain he's deliberately throwing by this point, I've got other things on my mind at the moment.

"Actually, I think we need to talk about Haruhi. While she isn't here."

His smile never falters. "Well, seeing as how Suzumiya-san has left us for the moment, why don't we do that now? I'm all ears."

Works for me. I shrug, clear my throat, and begin. "Recently, you told me Haruhi was calming down, and I agree -or at least agreed- with you. She's been slowly getting better throughout the year."

He nods. "Indeed, she's matured quite nicely, has she not?"

Ugh. I know you said that with the best of intentions, but that sounded sort of... creepy.

I ignore his awkward phrasing in favor of continuing. "Right. But as I'm sure you noticed, yesterday it was more like... the old her. Like the Haruhi from before, when she was totally obsessed with what she wanted to find and cared about absolutely nothing else, us included. Not to mention the _incident_ that took place in the park last night, which I have no doubt you're already well aware of."

Koizumi's expression turns impassive. "Yes, the agency notified me shortly after it was taken care of, not that it was hard to notice the spike of Closed Space near the end of the night. Thankfully, it disappeared on its own, shortly after its creation." he responds, brightening towards the end of the sentence.

The smile returns as he stares at me intently. "If you're asking me why I wasn't there, I'm afraid that even had I known in time to come along, there would have been nothing I could have done. Given the circumstances, I must commend you and Nagato-san for handling that so well."

Thanks, although I wasn't really fishing for compliments. I press on. "My point is, Haruhi hasn't done anything on that scale in a while, and she was more depressed than I've seen her in a long time once she gave up for the night. That sounds more like the Haruhi from the beginning of the year than the Haruhi from a few days ago. It's entirely too familiar, and not in a good way. Any idea why she's suddenly... backsliding, I guess?"

As I talk, Koizumi unpacks the board and starts setting up the game pieces, evidently not too worried. When did I become the responsible one?

"I'm not quite convinced she actually is, Kyon." he states calmly, looking annoyingly unperturbed by anything I've said. "From what I can sense of Suzumiya-san's emotional state, she is still far calmer overall than she was last April. Closed Space is actually at an all time low- even when Suzumiya-san is frustrated, the quantity created for any given situation is far below what would have formed a year ago. Yesterday could be considered a slight relapse, but it was most likely nothing to be worried about, as her psyche has already returned to its more recent balanced condition. You may have inferred this by the fact that I am not 'at work' right now."

So she's not frustrated, at all?

"Barring a brief period of anger this morning, no, not particularly."

I look away, feeling ever so slightly guilty, justified though I may have been.

Koizumi folds his hands beneath his chin, having finished setting up the game board. "Wouldn't you rather sit down?"

It's only then that I notice I'm still standing where I was when I entered the room, and my legs are quickly getting tired. Sighing, I decide to take his advice on that.

"And if this turns out NOT to be just that?" I grumble as I seat myself across from the still-placid esper.

Koizumi makes his first move, apparently assuming that I'll be playing whether I said I would or not. "If not... I suppose we'll have no choice but to find the cause of the problem, and deal with it then."

An unusually passive approach from Koizumi and The Agency. I'm not sure what to say to that, so I sit and allow my thoughts to stew. My attention soon becomes split between the problem at hand and the game I find myself unconsciously playing- damn, he was right. Regardless, I'm still not convinced.

"Koizumi," I begin again as I corner one of his pieces. "Do you know all the details of last night?"

Nagato finally speaks from the corner. "He does."

Koizumi gives a small, appreciative nod to the short haired bookworm. "I asked Nagato-san for the full details earlier today. Two thousand 'demons', yes? It must have been quite the exciting evening."

"I would gladly have traded places with you had the option been available. And so I've been told, though I only saw five or six of them. But what I did see, was.."

Hmm. How to best put this in words?

"The things Haruhi has caused before were more... _subtle_, than what happened yesterday night."

Koizumi loses another piece to me. "What do you mean, Kyon?"

And here I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. "I mean, those things were very obviously demons, or at the very least something easily recognized as supernatural- unlike everyone in this brigade, not counting me."

"Oh?" Koizumi entwines his hands beneath his chin again and rests his elbows on the desk as I take another piece, that nearly ever-present smile still on his face. I really wish he'd drop that for once, maybe then I'd be able to hold a conversation with him where I don't feel like I'm talking to a plastic figurine. "Well, that would have been problematic had Suzumiya-san witnessed them then, but seeing as how she didn't... what exactly are you getting at?"

His grin looks more like a smirk right now. Stop SMILING, it's incredibly-

Alright, I admit, my interpretation of that bland, perfect smile's sincerity depends on the situation. Sometimes it's encouraging, a buoy of calm in a raging ocean of insanity. And sometimes it's utterly infuriating, to the point that I almost want something to smack him just to change his expression. Right now it's the latter, but it isn't really fair of me to get angry at him just because he's not as concerned as I am (which feels incredibly odd). He's the one with a constantly active Haruhi-specific emotion sense, so of course he's acting like he knows better than I do about this- he almost certainly _does_. I try to calm down.

"I mean," I manage to get out without sounding _too_ annoyed, "that even though Haruhi has gathered aliens, time travelers, and espers around her, they look human. They can blend in, _are_ blending in. So I would think that if Haruhi conjured up 'demons' they'd be essentially human-looking as well, or at least wouldn't have made themselves quite so obviously _not_. She wants to 'hang out with them', remember? So why did she suddenly summon hellspawn instead of something more in the vein of 'mysterious looking people' who just happen to be demons? Not to mention, why could bypass Nagato's data jurisdiction abilities, even though they had literally nothing to do with that sort of ability otherwise?"

The smile somehow grows larger. Koizumi looks genuinely pleased. "My my, I knew you could be counted on when the situation was dire, but I didn't realize you took this quite so seriously up until now. I applaud you Kyon, that's an excellent attitude to have."

Then could you please _sound_ like you care about anything I'm saying?

"That being said, and as reassuring as it is to see you caring so much about this, I did already consider those factors. Would you care to hear my take on them?"

I almost ask if I have any choice, but his face has already gained that contemplative quirk it settles in at times like these, so I'm gonna guess no. I get the feeling it's speculation time- I'd better get comfy.

"Concerning their outward appearances... first of all, I must remind you that no matter how powerful Suzumiya-san may be, she is not omniscient. She has no real control over her own ability- the cave cricket and the data lifeform currently residing in your cat certainly aren't humanoid, after all, nor were they anything she explicitly wished to appear, or at least not in those particular forms at any rate. It is certainly possible that this is simply one of those occasions, and the demonic beings you witnessed last night were a chance byproduct of her mind, rather than part of a specific desire."

I don't recall us ever actually finding definitive proof that those were made by Haruhi, but I guess that doesn't really matter. Continue.

"However, as I recall, Suzumiya-san _did_ single out demons as being one of the possibilities for what caused yesterday's earthquake. This leads me to believe that you are right, in that their creation was something she was both consciously and unconsciously hoping for- though of course she did not know that such creatures would actually come in to existence upon her wishing it to be so."

Amazing. His explanation of something is actually making sense for once. Although that doesn't mean the game has stopped.

"With the possibility of simple chance ruled out, we might postulate that their appearances were due to Suzumiya-san imagining a great variety of body types for them, so as to reflect the common conception of demons having many forms. Folklore and myth does seem to commonly interpret them as being part of a great multitude, of all different shapes, sizes, and origins. It could also be that her typical mental picture of demons does not usually include those with humanoid bodies, so the ones she created did not, instead appearing as you saw them yesterday evening. There is even a distinct possibility that they had the ability to shape shift, and simply had not taken human form at the time. I suppose we'll never know, now."

I... _guess_ I can accept that. Sort of.

"Now, as for the more potentially concerning matter." Koizumi continues without so much as a pause. "Their abilities involving the tearing away and destruction of data, despite them not being data based life themselves. This may have a simpler answer than you believe possible, Kyon."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Alright, I'm listening."

"As you know, Suzumiya-san's alteration of the universe is based on what she desires to be true; what she wants to be real and wants to occur. But the why and how of the matter- the reasons behind some impossible change; the details of how the beings she imagines exist and function- those often do not match her whims, as her focus is generally directed towards the ideas themselves, not their execution. Thus, the things she creates often do not need to be separate from already existent concepts, and their method of function will follow a 'path of least resistance', working in some way with that which already exists, instead of forging an entirely new branch to the mechanisms of reality."

I knew the simplicity couldn't last.

"Perhaps it would be easier to understand if I gave you a more specific example." Koizumi resumes after seeing the blank stare I'm giving him. "I assume you remember the cave cricket, which I believe I already mentioned?"

"Yeah, it's kind of hard to forget about." I reply. "What about it?"

"Well, if you recall, when we went to combat it, Nagato-san transported us in to phase transposition space- her data jurisdiction, as you know it. That space is omnipresent, even if you and I can't access it."

Koizumi make a critical error, which indicates to me he's not dividing his attention very well. I quickly take advantage of it as he continues to speak.

"Now, demons as Suzumiya-san has imagined them reside in a separate reality to ours, somewhere beyond our reach. So, what would be the 'easiest' way for the universe to implement such an alternate reality?"

I work that over in my head for a moment. "So.. you're saying that the demons were first created in this 'phase transposition space'... which is the same as Data Jurisdiction... because to Haruhi, that would still qualify as an alternate reality."

Koizumi nods. "You have it."

"Wouldn't they still qualify as 'data organisms' then?" I ask, rather skeptical of this.

"If Suzumiya-san had some semi-specific image of them as being 'made' of something other than that, then most likely no." Koizumi counters. "Admittedly, it is a bit odd, but it also isn't all that important so long as they did indeed originate in that space. Since these demons would still need to be able to leave their 'dimension' in accordance with Suzumiya-san's wishes, they would naturally hold some sway over it, explaining Nagato-san's difficulty in affecting them with such. Or at least, that's the theory."

Koizumi punctuates this statement with a small laugh. "Of course, this _is_ all just theory, random conjecture even, completely baseless besides my own reasoning. Unlike you, I never even saw what these creatures looked like, and there is no proof to back up any of what I just said, so take my theories as you may."

Having finished his miniature lecture, the opposing teen finally takes the time to actually pay attention to the game board, and raises his eyebrows.

"...it appears you've beaten me, Kyon."

Wow, shocker.

I groan and lean back in my chair, sorely missing Asahina-san's usually ever-present tea.

Even if the demon thing has been clarified, the primary issue still remains. Last week, Haruhi had been... well, herself, but with close to a year's worth of maturation added on. Frankly, I would have to be completely oblivious not to have noticed the changes between Haruhi as I first met her and the Haruhi I know now. An outsider might find the changes subtle to nonexistent, but to someone who's spent hours of time with her almost every day since the school year started, it was like being around two different people entirely. She had still been _Haruhi_, of course, so the obligatory snack payment and dragging us out to search for whatever her interest of the week was wasn't truly out of the norm. They happened less often, but they still happened.

The palpable desperation, and subsequent despondence over not finding anything, however, had taken a vacation a while back that I had thought to be permanent. The weekend excursions by now were more excuses to hang out with us than actual attempts to find anything, or at least that was the impression I had been under. They had actually been... enjoyable, to an extent, no matter how much I protested.

Now, we appear to be back to square one, or at least in the process of backtracking over well-trodden ground- ground that was difficult to get past to begin with. Last night wasn't even close to the levels of dejection and dissatisfaction she had when she nearly remade the world, but it was still worse than I've seen her in a long time. Who hit Haruhi's reset button?

...then again, maybe Koizumi is right. It could be I'm just overreacting to all of this. So Haruhi slipped back to old habits for a day and unknowingly caused something weird again. There's no reason for me to think it'll continue that way, so why am I even worrying? Heck, of everyone in the SOS Brigade I should be the LEAST worried. I can't do anything about what Haruhi does most of the time anyways, I really shouldn't bother obsessing over it.

Ignoring the cold, hard feeling of the metallic back, I sink down into my chair, finally allowing myself to relax back into my usual state of languor. Ah, there we go. I missed this.

My moment of getting reacquainted with my usual state of mind is interrupted when I remember that Haruhi is still somewhere with Asahina-san, doing something "top secret". I should probably prepare myself...

"Hey Koizumi, how is Haruhi feeling today?" I ask with just the slightest hint of trepidation in my voice.

The admittedly handsome esper closes his eyes for a moment before responding. "Well, I can't say exactly, but I believe she's rather content at the moment, much as her usual state has come to be, alongside some anticipatory excitement, whose source I couldn't truly say. You should be able to gauge it firsthand in 3... 2... 1..."

The door flies open, revealing a triumphant looking Haruhi with a look on her face that spells nothing but trouble. Behind her is a quietly anxious looking Asahina-san, once again dressed in the shrine maiden outfit. That costume sure is getting a lot of use lately.

"Brigade! Tonight we are going on a ghost hunt!"

My just recently relaxed posture instantly turns into a slump.

Why me? Why us? Just... _why?_

Asahina-san doesn't busy herself with the tea for once, instead nervously sitting down next to me. At the same time, Haruhi grabs the back of my blazer and pulls me upright, surprisingly in a manner that I might almost call gentle. "Kyon, today is your chance to redeem yourself. I'll admit, I may have been a bit harsh on you this morning-"

Her Majesty Haruhi, admitting she may have been wrong? I think I might just faint.

"-but I stand by the core of what I said!"

Ah. Spoke too soon. Too bad I wasn't listening well enough to remember what that was.

Haruhi sashays over to the desk at the front of the room, most likely in order to better loom over her "subjects" before resuming her speech. "Now, brigade members! In relation to tonight's hunt, I have an announcement!"

She pauses dramatically, probably checking to see if we're on the tip of our seats yet before continuing. "Yesterday, I realized that we need a plan for what to do after we find something interesting as well. If we don't have a plan for what to do when it happens, we could be in major trouble once it does! Ideally, we'd want hang out with whoever or whatever we find, learn from them, and hopefully go on adventures with them- but, there's also the possibility that what we find won't be happy about being discovered, and might even try to silence or kill us!

I slowly shake my head, my fingers pinching the bridge of my nose. You admit that, yet still you insist on looking for them...

Koizumi raises his hand- what, are we in class now? "That seems a rather pessimistic view to take, Suzumiya-san. May I ask what brought this on? And what shall we do to prepare ourselves in the future?"

Haruhi beams, as if she had been waiting for those exact questions from her star pupil. "Not to worry! I'm pretty sure this won't be a problem for anything besides ghosts."

Not that you'd know, but you're wrong. I can personally attest that there are evil, or at least very dangerous supernatural beings out there, including (but not limited to) aliens, demons, and giant crickets.

"It's just that it occurred to me that there are all kinds of spirits, and some of them are said to be outright malicious. So, if we're going to go through with this search, we need protection! That's why I just spent a few minutes with Mikuru-" she gestures to the adorable upperclassman, "-teaching her these new spiritual chants I found online!"

The far-too energetic girl pulls out several identical sheets of paper and slaps them on the center table. I guess "top secret" only stays that way until Haruhi decides it isn't.

I pick up a page to examine it- there are four or five chants listed on them, a couple of which I'm familiar with, but the others I can't admit to having seen or heard before. It's quite a step up from the one she was using for the dog-virus incident. Guess she's been studying.

Koizumi gives no indication of noticing the pointed stare I level at him, and instead opens his mouth to speak to Haruhi once more. "Well, as long as we have means of protecting ourselves, this appears to be a fine idea, Suzumiya-san. Would you like me to do some research to see if there are any local haunts we should consider checking out?"

Haruhi waves him off. "Nah, then we'd probably have to share space with other people. Besides, what spirit would hang around a place that they're constantly being bothered by nosy tourists?"

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't being a bunch of "nosy tourists" exactly what you're proposing we do?

"I'll figure out where to look by the end of today's meeting and tell you then. Meet me there at eight o' clock sharp! Don't be late!" she exclaims, sweeping her finger over the room and making a point of lingering on me. Ignoring that.

Aside from the ridiculousness of having to go on one of Haruhi's little escapades two days in a row, something else is bugging me. I decide to voice this question before we go any further down the rabbit hole.

"One moment, why is Asahina-san dressed like that _now_ if we're doing this tonight?"

Haruhi looks at me as if I just asked why rain is wet. "Because she needs to practice, of course!"

Practice _what_?

The face I get at that question makes me feel as if I'm being scolded for not being able to read the ever raging maelstrom that is her mind. Give me a break, I'm not Koizumi. "Posing and dodging incoming attacks while performing the chants, obviously! You can't dispel an evil spirit without being able to do those, or you'll just look stupid! Sure, Mikuru's more the 'cute, clumsy' type, but if you're going to do something awesome you've got to at least try to act the part! Don't ask dumb questions Kyon!"

...My mistake. What was I thinking? Those are such critical parts to the experience; I can't believe I managed to forget.

The master of selective attention that is Haruhi doesn't bother reacting to the incredulous expression now plastered across my face. "Of course, we won't be using the chants at all unless the spirits try to possess us or something like that. I'd much rather find ones that we can talk with normally, so those are what we're really looking for. However, the SOS Brigade must always be prepared! A vengeful spirit could sneak up on you at any time, whether you're ready to fend it off or not!"

She grins, and alarm bells immediately begin ringing in my head.

"That's why all of us are going to be practicing the same poses and lines along with Mikuru, right now!"

...

You have GOT to be kidding me.

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Despite my protests, the four of us still end up moving the center table over and lining up to follow Haruhi's instructions on the "correct" way to fight and dispel an evil spirit, in the event that Asahina-san can't manage it. She treats it like a self defense course- which I guess it is, in her mind.

The result is the clubroom shaking like the earthquake from yesterday came back for a second round as one by one we jump up, down, away from imaginary spirits, and into the positions we're given by Haruhi. All the while we get the privilege of trying to remember and pronounce the new spiritual chants on the fly, which may as well be written in Ancient Sumerian for all they can be easily said or recalled mid-leap.

Our degrees of success at this task vary about as much as one would expect. Haruhi, being practically an Olympic-level gymnast and athlete, as well as having the advantage of knowing the words beforehand, of course manages to demonstrate every one of her bizarre jump-pose-chant combos flawlessly. Koizumi isn't too far behind, somehow managing to make most of them look and sound fairly good, though the fact that he too has trouble with some of the moves Haruhi wants us to do in midair ("No, the spirit was coming from THAT direction!") actually gives me a small spike of pleasure.

Nagato makes a fairly minimal effort, pronouncing the words flawlessly but barely moving, perhaps not wanting to show off any particular acrobatic prowess that might bring Haruhi's interest upon herself. Somehow, she manages to get off with nothing worse than a "good try" every time from our self elected leader, which strikes me as a skill I dearly need to learn.

Conversely, Asahina-san tries her absolute hardest, truly exerting herself in an honest attempt to get the words and movement patterns down. But although her efforts are wonderfully cute (watching her jump up and down is the highlight of my afternoon), she can't manage a single one of Haruhi's demanding moves while simultaneously uttering the incantations, and receives several tongue lashings in return for falling down on her most-important job. Apparently, in the event that this is necessary at all, it just won't be the same if the only one of us dressed "properly" isn't the one to finish the job, or if said finishing job isn't up to par. We'll be "saved", but it won't seem "right"- in Haruhi's world, practicality takes a backseat to style.

Finally, and not at all surprisingly, bringing up the rear in the undisputed last place position is myself. I fail at accomplishing every single one of Haruhi's ridiculously difficult instructions, can barely get out out two or three of each chant's words before I mess up some part of Haruhi's absurd song and dance routine, and don't look nearly as cute as Asahina-san while doing it. Of course, I'm not exactly putting that much effort in, spending most of my time in line trying to think of something I could say to put a stop to this.

I could claim that since Asahina-san isn't doing so well, and the rest of us don't have the proper outfits, it might be best for us to just give this up. But knowing Haruhi, in all likelihood that would just end with ALL of us in whatever she considers appropriate "ghost/spirit hunting" clothes, which she might even make me pay for with the justification that I was the one who brought it up. I also consider telling Haruhi that we just won't stray far from Asahina-san, but that would probably end up putting even more pressure on the already flustered upperclassman- something I'm absolutely loathe to do.

Subsequent ideas are also mentally defenestrated as I rack my brain for something, anything I haven't considered yet, drawing blanks at every turn. It isn't helped by the fact that my thought process is interrupted every two minutes or so by having to make another attempt at this.

Speaking of which, looks like I'm up again...

Fast forward fifteen seconds, and I've once again received a less-than-passing grade. Haruhi shakes her head in exasperation. "Kyon, come on! I've seen you in gym, even you can do better than that!"

She's technically right, but I cannot possibly take this seriously enough to put any great amount of effort into it. I silently return to the back of the "line", trying to take solace in the fact that at least we're all in the clubroom, where no one else can see us making complete fools of ourselves.

It only takes five more minutes before it becomes evident that someone out there really must have it in for me, as Haruhi comes to the conclusion that even with the table moved over, we don't have enough room to practice the "more advanced" moves. Thus she decides to march us outside for the remainder of her impromptu club lesson.

One trip to the sports field later and I'm standing in our miniature queue with my face in my hands, trying to pretend that the entire baseball team hasn't stopped practicing just to stare at us. I'm almost tempted to yell something to the effect of "Come see Suzumiya Haruhi's circus, starring the SOS Brigade! Every night this week, only 500 yen a ticket!", if only to watch their reactions.

Ultimately, I fail to think of anything that could save us, and by the time 4:00 rolls around I've more or less resigned myself to my fate. Somehow I don't think I can talk Haruhi out of this, nor can I sway her from her going through with her plans for tonight. From what I can tell, she's once again speeding forward with the pedal to the floor and a brake system whose lines she cut herself- at this point, nothing I could tell her, whether it be that I'm already in trouble for staying out late last night or that she still hasn't even looked up where we're supposed to be going yet, is going to stop her.

That doesn't mean I'm going to put any more effort in to this than I already have been though.

While Nagato is taking her turn again, I take the opportunity to talk to our quivering, fatigued-looking temporary shrine maiden.

"Asahina-san, are you alright?" I inquire.

The orange haired girl gives a tired smile and nods. "Y-yes, I'm alright Kyon. I can keep going, don't worry..."

I'm not sure I believe that. She hasn't complained, but she looks like she could pass out at any moment. This is too much. Drill Sergeant Haruhi needs to go.

Surprisingly, right before I'm about to flat out demand we stop for now, Koizumi beats me to the punch.

"Suzumiya-san, if I may propose we take a break? If we're to keep ourselves from being sore for tonight's event, a resting period would be advisable."

After thinking about it for a moment, Haruhi blissfully passes the motion. Unlike the rest of us (besides Nagato), she isn't even remotely out of breath, despite having been the one demonstrating everything she expected us to do. Perhaps she's unconsciously pulling energy from the air or something, I can't fathom how she never so much as sweats otherwise.

We all gratefully plod back inside and practically collapse upon the sweet, cool metal of the clubroom chairs. It's times like this that make me think air conditioning and indoor plumbing might truly be mankind's greatest achievements to date. But it's only after all of us take our individual trips to the water fountain that Haruhi utters a few words I find even more wonderful than the liquid I just greedily inhaled.

"You all look exhausted, so practice is over for the day! Don't leave yet though, I still have to tell you where we're going!"

So, she finally noticed. I think I might just owe Koizumi now, seeing as how he managed to avert any more of the gym class from hell. While I was about to do the same thing, Haruhi actually listens to him...

88888888

Club passes quickly after that, interrupted only by Haruhi going outside for a while on a phone call. It ends when she comes back and announces that we'll be meeting at some recently vacated, but otherwise normal-sounding house about twenty minutes away from the school by bike, thirty minutes at a fast run. The location's description surprises me enough that I find myself asking for her reasoning, which Haruhi answers with a note of satisfaction in her voice.

"Think, Kyon! If all the usual haunted areas are filled with tourists and other ghost hunters already, then the spirits need to find a new place whenever they get found, right? A house on sale with no one in it yet is the perfect place for them to go! Maybe we can find them before someone moves in and scares them away again!"

...That statement has so many holes in its reasoning that were it tangible it could pass as a decent sponge. I doubt we'll be finding spirits one way or the other honestly; my more pressing concern is rooted in the legality of this.

"This isn't breaking and entering, right? Because I have to draw the line at that. I'd rather not be arrested just because you got carried away." Seriously, I had thought plans like this had long since stopped too.

Haruhi looks at me wide-eyed and slightly stunned, as if shocked that I would need to question her on-again off-again code of ethics. "Of course not, I wouldn't do something like that!" she responds, seemingly a little hurt that I even asked. "I told you, the house is on sale! I called up the sellers to ask if we could go there and make sure nothing's wrong with it during the night, like constantly barking dogs or odd noises that might keep somebody up. I told them it was just to make sure in case we end up buying it- we won't be, obviously, but they don't know that, and they were fine with it! I even made sure to call the local police and tell them we'd be there, so there's nothing to worry about!"

Once again, Haruhi pulls off the impossible. At least, getting permission for that would be impossible for me, or any other average person my age. What kind of seller lets a teenager, in this case a _group_ of teenagers, go investigate a house in the middle of the night because they said they might want to buy it? Or does Haruhi practice impressions in her spare time? I didn't hear her while she was on the phone, did she somehow make herself sound 30-something for that pitch?

Plus, now even the _police _have caved to Haruhi? They didn't say anything about this or ask for some sort of... I don't know, ID, verification, something to that effect? Really?

That can't be right. I don't need Nagato to tell me the probability that Haruhi's abilities weren't at least partially behind this is roughly zero percent.

Regardless, after having given us that questionable bit of reassurance, the brigade chief is at least thoughtful enough to print out copies of the place's address for us, along with individual maps off the web that show the way from the school to the house. That's all we get though- as soon as she's sure we've got what we need, she hightails it out of the room with speed I could never even hope to match. I hear Haruhi calling out one last reminder to be there tonight as she speeds down the hall, which I don't think any of us really need by this point.

The four of us are left alone in the clubroom, which is strikingly silent in the lack of its leader.

For a brief couple of moments, all is still.

"U-um, Kyon, could you-"

Oh, right, Asahina-san needs to change, though I suppose she'll be bringing the outfit with her tonight. When did Koizumi leave?

I default to going through the usual motions. Grabbing my bag, I make my way out the door, throwing a pair of goodbyes behind me as Asahina-san undresses and Nagato heads... somewhere. Koizumi is nowhere to be found. My long journey home begins...

88888888

It's while I'm trudging down the hillside that it occurs to me that going home might not be the best strategy. In fact, I might be better off just heading to this "haunted house" now. It's already 5:30 or so, and it could take me a while to find this place if I can't use the path on the map, due to not starting from the school (something Haruhi apparently forgot when she told us all to head home). It's also on the other side of the hill from my house, so I'd save a fair bit of walking if I do an about face. Haruhi will be sure to declare me "late" if I show up any time after her, and I'll have to argue with my parents if I go home first, which will inevitably cause that situation to come to pass. So actually, I have an entire litany of reasons not to head home immediately.

It's not until after I already get the address out of my bag that I stop myself to think about the path my train of thought immediately went down. Since when does Haruhi's authority overrule my parent's? I'm not her "minion", no matter how many times she says it. I'll admit to being a member of her brigade, but I'm no servant; she doesn't hold any executive power over me.

Still, considering her supposed importance to the universe at large...

Sighing, I dial up my house to tell my parents I'll be out with friends until late tonight. I sit down on a nearby bench in preparation- it's going to be an uphill battle to convince them, considering the talk I got about last night.

"Hiya Kyon!"

You're not mom. Sis, put mom on.

"Sorry Kyon, she's busy, but she says you can go!"

Wait, what? I didn't even ask anything yet, how did she...?

"Mom said to answer the phone if you called about staying out."

When I inquire as to if she knows the reason for the seeming sudden change of heart about my staying out late, I'm told that Haruhi called at lunch and asked if I could go out with her and some friends tonight for a sort of end-of-the-school-year celebration- thus, despite last night an exception is being made.

Honestly, I had forgotten about that. Less than two weeks until the end of my first year of high school... it somehow feels like it's simultaneously flown by, and lasted an eternity.

The discussion doesn't take nearly as long as I'd anticipated, mostly since my little sister apparently wrote down everything she was instructed to tell me. As long as I finish my homework and still study enough for tomorrow, I've been given the okay to go out tonight. I don't know if I should appreciate Haruhi's foresight or be annoyed that she just assumed I had nothing else planned.

I end the call and look back.

May as well start walking...

* * *

><p>AN: I wrote this author's note back when this chapter was originally up, about two years ago- you've been warned.<p>

So, I'm writing this as happening close to the end of the first year, before Spring Break. I don't think that actively conflicts with anything, since Book 9 didn't start until then, and I think the closest events prior to that were the ones from Book 7. I don't want to be overwriting any events that happened in canon though, even if this is a divergent AU, so please tell me if I accidentally have.

On the topic of Kyon's narration- I got into Haruhi via the anime, which I recall being far heavier on the snark than the novels seem to be. So, apologies if you find yourself suffering a sarcasm/quip overload. Might want to abandon ship now if so.

Also, pet peeve- I rather dislike writing even small references relating to Kyon's crush/interest in Mikuru. The "protection" part I can get behind as a character trait, since that's just basic human decency, but the "save pictures of her to the computer drive in secret" I can't and never will. I prefer the brigade as a group of friends, and I relate to both Kyon and Haruhi pretty well in everything besides that sort of pseudo-voyeurism, so it sort of takes me out of it to write in Kyon's comments on anything like that. Still, it's not like I can ignore it, so...

Ah, whatever. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter otherwise- even if it was actually done a year or so before I'm now posting it. Hope you enjoyed.


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